


For You

by j_louise



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 16:14:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30108624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j_louise/pseuds/j_louise
Summary: Merlin is about to be dragged on yet another hunt for a sorcerer. He doesn't know how much longer he can stomach it, so he decides to talk to Arthur about Camelot's anti-magic laws. Two roads diverge in a wood.Day 3 - “We’re meant to be on the same side.” “We’ve never been on the same side”
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 222
Collections: Merthur Week 2021





	For You

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Merthur Week 2021! I wanted to explore Merlin and Arthur actually attempting to have a conversation with each other about important things like feelings. Probably OOC Arthur due to him displaying reasonable behavior. I'd love to know what you think. Enjoy!

Once again, Merlin was having to listen to Uther order the hunting and execution of yet another sorcerer. The crime? Using enchantments to enter Camelot’s grain stores and redistribute them in the lower town - a place where people often went hungry. As he stood in the throne room, listening to Uther’s declaration of ‘Camelot’s fight against the evil of magic’, Merlin had to focus hard on not rolling his eyes. He knew, if anyone looked too closely at him, they would notice the tension causing his shoulders to bunch up slightly. Luckily, no one was interested enough in a serving boy to pay him much attention at all.

“We must remain vigilant in our efforts, and bring justice to any sorcerer who dares to use magic inside Camelot’s walls,” Uther’s voice boomed around the large hall.

 _Yeah_ , thought Merlin, his jaw set tight, _And how long do you think your precious son would last if I didn’t dare?_

Arthur stood to the right of his father, head bowed in what appeared to be solemn agreement. The urge to roll his eyes hit Merlin even harder. He expected this sort of drivel from Uther - he was so set in his beliefs, his fear, that Merlin didn’t expect him to change any time soon. But Arthur? I mean, it didn’t take a genius to see that Uther’s ways were tyrannical. It wasn’t as if this sorcerer was using magic to do harm - they were using it to feed the hungry. Something that wouldn’t have had to be done if Uther had managed the kingdom’s resources more effectively. And ordering an execution because someone had stolen a few bags of grain? Merlin knew that the punishment wouldn’t have been nearly as severe if they were stolen without magic. No, it was purely the fact that someone had used magic within the kingdom. In Uther’s mind, this meant that they deserved to die. In fairness, Merlin believed that most people could see the delusion of Uther’s beliefs. They just didn’t dare to speak up due to their lack of status - and the fear of being on the receiving end of his wrath themselves. But Arthur?

This was what Merlin didn’t understand. Merlin had seen Arthur stand up, talk back, to his father time and time again. Over things far less consequential than this. He had seen Arthur question concepts and values that he had been raised with and challenge Uther on them. So, why not this? Had Uther caused this particular belief to be so deep seated that there was no arguing with it? Or was Arthur also too afraid to argue back over this one issue that Uther seemed adamant to not be swayed from? Merlin wasn’t sure. He could only hope that it was the latter, he supposed, because if Arthur had truly been conditioned to believe that all magic was evil Merlin didn’t see how he was supposed to help Arthur create this fair and just kingdom of Albion like he was meant to. Or like the Great Dragon said he was meant to. There were times when Merlin wondered whether he was having him on, spinning him a line. He hoped not because, against all the odds, he had ended up rather liking Arthur. Liking him quite a lot, in fact.

It was the mention of Arthur’s name that brought Merlin out of his thoughts.

“My son, Prince Arthur, will lead the search for this sorcerer and bring them back to Camelot, where they will receive their punishment.”

Merlin glanced at Gaius out of the corner of his eye. Gaius sent him a grim look back.

Great. If Arthur was going, that meant Merlin would be going too.

Having to hunt his own kind was something that turned Merlin’s stomach every time he had to do it. He felt like a traitor. He knew very well that it could very easily have been him on the receiving end of a hunt like this, but instead he slept soundly within the castle walls every night. He often wondered whether what he was doing was the cowardly thing. Whether it would have been braver to simply stand up, proclaim himself to be a sorcerer and leave Camelot to offer his services to the rebellion against Uther. However, he knew that he had to stay here. He knew his destiny. He knew the only true way he would change things was from working on the inside. So, here he was, nausea growing in him as the court was dismissed and he trudged back to Arthur’s chambers to prepare him for the search.

There was quiet between them as Merlin began the familiar routine of preparing Arthur’s possessions for the ride out. He observed Arthur silently, who was sitting at his desk reading over papers and occasionally sliding one of them into a leather pouch. He appeared to be steady, calm. Unbothered. It irritated Merlin once again that he seemed to believe his father so blindly. As Merlin placed Arthur’s sword on the large table in the centre of the room, he couldn’t help but break the silence.

“So, how are you feeling about the search?” he asked, genuinely curious, but hoping to sound casual enough that it would appear that he was simply making small talk to pass the time.

“Fine.” Arthur glanced up before returning his eyes to the papers in front of him, “It looks like it should be fairly straightforward. I can only hope to be home in time for dinner.”

Merlin gritted his teeth. “Really?”

“Yes, although you know sorcerers. They’re notoriously sly, good at fooling others. We’ll just have to make sure to keep our wits about us and we’ll be fine.”

Merlin felt his stomach drop as he made his way over to Arthur’s wardrobe. He tried not to feel too guilty about being in the category of sorcerers that were busy fooling people. He wouldn’t have to lie to his best friend if he could have been certain that he wouldn’t order his execution upon being told the truth. Merlin wrestled with his feelings in his mind for probably the millionth time in his life, wishing he could somehow just get Arthur to see how flawed his father’s beliefs were.

“You don’t think it’s a bit dramatic?” Merlin couldn’t help himself from wanting to prod at Arthur’s thoughts a little further. “To go on a wild goose chase after some sorcerer whose only crime was stealing grain from the stores?”

“Dramatic?” Arthur’s tone was slightly incredulous. “Merlin, a sorcerer got into Camelot and used magic inside the castle walls. The punishment for using magic is very clear. They knew the risk they were taking, and it’s our job to enforce the law.”

Merlin tried to keep his voice level as he lifted Arthur’s clothes from the wardrobe and carried them over to the changing screen. “They did only use magic to feed the poor though. You’ve argued with your father many times about the redistribution of that grain.”

“And just because a sorcerer does something with decent intentions once my father should abandon all he’s fought to build? I mean, God knows what they use their powers for the rest of the time. And I wouldn’t exactly call stealing a moral pursuit.”

Merlin hung Arthurs clothes up and turned to face him. He could feel the annoyance building in his stomach. “Okay, but what if sorcerers didn’t always use their powers for evil?”

Arthur frowned at him, leaning back in his seat. “Give me one example of a sorcerer using their powers for good.”

Merlin gaped at him for a moment, words pushing up his throat and then sinking back down again. He wracked his brain for an example that wouldn’t expose his secret and came up short.

Arthur snorted. “Exactly.”

Merlin felt annoyance flare up inside him once again. “Well, maybe it’s something to look into.” he replied shortly, gesturing at the clothes to indicate that they were ready for Arthur to change into, and moving to stand by the window.

“What the hell does that mean?” Arthur asked, standing slowly and moving towards the changing screen.

Merlin knew he should tread carefully, but couldn’t help but bite back, “I just mean that maybe you shouldn’t just blindly believe your father on this. It’s not like you do that with anything else.”

“Maybe you should have a little more respect.” Arthur’s voice was beginning to rise. “My father has far more experience than any of us when it comes to sorcerers.”

Merlin’s voice began to rise in turn. “Well, maybe one man’s experience - or opinion- isn’t the be all and end all.” He knew that he was wading into dangerous waters, and Gaius would have his head later for being so upfront, but he could feel his temper rising to boiling point within him - fuelling with years of having to keep his mouth shut as he watched the persecution of people like him.

“So, what are you saying?” Arthur threw his arms up, exasperated. “You’re-you’re saying sorcery should be legal? That we should just blindly trust any sorcerer we come across?”

“No, obviously I’m not saying that,” Merlin shot back, staring Arthur down, “I’m saying that maybe anyone who practices magic shouldn’t simply be killed on the spot.”

Arthur let out a disbelieving laugh, “Where has this come from? One minute you’re acting completely normal, and the next you’re, what? Defender for the rights of sorcerers across the land or something?” A slightly hurt look crossed his face, “We’re meant to be on the same side.”

“We’ve never been on the same side.”

It burst out of Merlin before he could stop it. He wished he could grab the words from where they lingered in the air and make them disappear back inside his head, but he couldn’t. They’d sliced through the room, leaving a deafening silence in their wake as Arthur stared at him.

In those few moments of silence, a number of ideas crossed Merlin’s mind. He would be executed. He would have to make sure that Gaius was somehow informed so he would not also be held under suspicion. What would his mother do? Maybe he could make a run for it? He would have to figure out where to hide if he did escape. Maybe he could join the rebellion?

Then the silence was broken.

“What?”

It wasn’t harsh, angry, like Arthur’s tone had been before. It was quiet, confused, shocked. And Merlin’s thoughts changed track.

Arthur would hate him. He would feel betrayed. It was supposed to be Merlin’s job to look after him, to make sure he achieved his destiny, and now he’d gone and ruined it. Maybe he could fix this? Maybe he could find a way out? He hadn’t admitted anything yet, he still had a chance.

“I just-, I just mean-” he began, having to stop and swallow thickly when he realised he had no idea what to say. “I didn’t-”. His voice broke off again as, to his horror, his eyes began to fill with tears. He turned away quickly when he saw Arthur’s eyes widen with shock. He blinked back the tears as he faced the window, life carrying on outside in the courtyard as though Merlin’s life wasn’t hanging in the balance all based on his next actions.

The silence stretched on behind him as he racked his brains and attempted to stop his tears from falling. He wasn’t ready for Arthur to hate him. He wasn’t ready to lose his friend.

Then, a hand fell softly on his shoulder causing him to jump in shock, a tear falling from his eye at the sudden contact.

Arthur was at his side, looking at him with concern. “Merlin,” he said, voice quiet. “Come and sit down.” he gestured to the table in the centre of the room, and then used the hand on Merlin’s shoulder to guide him towards one of the chairs around it. Pulling a chair out for himself, he sat next to Merlin, frowning at him in concern.

Merlin looked back at him, still feeling lost for words. He could make up a lie and hope he believed it. He could risk his life and tell the truth. He had no idea which option to pick. He only felt scared.

Eventually, after another few moments of silence, when it became clear that Merlin wasn’t going to speak, Arthur decided to break the silence once more.

“Why are you so upset?”

Trust him to be so blunt about it. Merlin’s eyes broke away from his. He couldn’t look at him.

“I just,” his voice came out wobbly, and he shook his head, embarrassed. “I just don’t want you to hate me.” At least it was the truth.

Arthur let out a short, quiet laugh, as though completely thrown off course. “Merlin. Come on. Whatever slightly strange views you have on sorcerers, it’s not going to make me toss you out on your ear. You know me better than that by now.” Merlin’s eyes returned to his. “No,” Arthur frowned again, eyes searching Merlin’s “It’s something else.”

Panic rose in Merlin. He had no idea what excuse to give.

“What did you mean when we said we weren’t on the same side?” Arthur’s eyes continued to search his as though he could see right through them and into whatever was going on in his head. Merlin thanked the gods that he couldn’t.

The bubbling anger and panic in Merlin’s stomach had started to feel like his magic fizzing in his belly, his prolonged awareness of its existence within him making it feel as though it was pushing its way up towards his skin. Longing to break from within him into the world. He could push it down. If he wanted to, he could push it down.

With his eyes filling with tears, he took a deep breath and let go. Time slowed down around him, Arthur just slightly beginning to move back from him as if wading through water. Merlin knew his eyes were glowing golden, as his tears spilled over yet again. It felt odd, the way they too moved at a snail's pace down his cheeks. He held his gaze to Arthur’s for once slow breath. Two. Then he blinked and the world sped back up.

In an instant Arthur was over the other side of the room, his chair crashed to the ground as he scrambled out of it. His breath was coming quick as if he’d just sprinted to the top of the tallest tower in Camelot.

“What…” Arthur began breathlessly, looking lost, before seeming to pull himself together again and asking again, “What?”

Merlin stayed seated at the table, watching him carefully. Ready to make a run for it if he had to. “I’m sorry,” he spoke in a soft voice. “I didn’t want to lie to you. I don’t want to lie to you anymore.”

“I don’t understand.” Arthur stared at him.

“I have magic.” Merlin felt his stomach do a somersault as he finally, finally said the words. “I’m a sorcerer.”

Arthur’s face seemed to fall blank. He didn’t move, he just stared at him, face conveying nothing. Merlin noted, with gratitude, that at least he wasn’t headed towards his sword.

“I use it for you, Arthur. To protect you, to help you build the kingdom you’re meant to build. I would never use it to hurt you, I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I know that, you idiot.” Arthur snapped suddenly, making Merlin jump.

“What?” Merlin couldn’t help his voice rising in pitch slightly. “You knew I had magic all this time?”

“I- what?” Arthur frowned at him. “No, I mean I know you don’t want to hurt me. I had no idea you could do...that” He seemed to eye Merlin up and down slightly.

“Oh.” Merlin didn’t know what to say. They stared at each other for another few moments. “Hang on, how do you know I don’t want to hurt you? A few minutes ago you were going on about the dangers of sorcerers, weren’t you?”

“If you’d been listening I was saying we shouldn’t blindly trust any sorcerer we come across, I think you might have just proved my point about that.” Arthur looked at Merlin pointedly, causing guilt to crawl it’s way inside Merlin’s chest.

“Yes, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to lie to you.” Merlin said again, feeling a little lost. Why were they just talking as though Merlin hadn’t just committed the most serious crime in Camelot?

“You really are a complete fool, aren’t you, Merlin?” Arthur’s voice began to rise again. “You had no idea what I was going to do - my sword’s right there! I could have run you through.”

“Yes, you could.” Merlin frowned at him, glancing at the sword. “Sorry, I’m a bit confused. Why didn’t you? Run me through, I mean.”

Arthur gaped at him as though he hadn’t just asked a completely reasonable question. “And what good would that do either of us?”

“None,” Merlin was quick to agree. “None at all. So-” he drew the word out, trying to catch up. “What are you going to do?”

Arthur seemed to deflate slightly. “I don’t know.”

“Are you going to tell your father?” Merlin asked, voice small. He knew he sounded childish, but that was sort of how he felt at that moment.

Arthur stared at him for a moment, almost as though he was wondering the same thing himself. Then, he breathed out one word.

“No.”

He sounded almost shocked as the word fell from his lips. Then, he seemed to pull himself up. “No,” he repeated. “I’m not going to tell anyone.”

Merlin let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, falling back in his seat. He couldn’t believe this was happening. He couldn’t believe this was going so well. “Arthur-” he started, wanting to thank him, but was cut off.

“But you need to explain. You need to explain to me what you’ve been using magic for. What you can do with it, how you learnt it, how it-how it feels.” Arthur swallowed, making his way back over to the table, picking up his chair and sitting back down. Maybe a few more meters further away from Merlin than he had been before but, still. In Merlin’s books, the unthinkable was happening.

“I will. I will,” Merlin assured him, sitting up straight and nodding eagerly.

“Merlin.” Arthur was looking at him seriously. “I’m not saying I’m happy about this. I’m not saying I...understand. But I couldn’t-” he stopped, glancing away, before he seemed to find some resolve and his eyes met Merlin’s again. “I couldn’t let anything happen to you. I-.” he cut himself off again, eyes sliding away once more. “You’re my- you’re my best friend.” he told the space just over Merlin’s shoulder.

“You’re my best friend, too.” Merlin told him, his heart starting to hammer in his chest. He had a feeling that Arthur had been about to say something else entirely, and had to remind himself not to speculate too much about what that might have been.

“What you were saying before, about getting more experience with- with sorcerers.” Arthur seemed to speak carefully. “I want to do that. I want to understand. I don’t want to follow my father all the time, not on anything, not on this. Maybe you could help me.”

“Yes.” Merlin felt he couldn’t agree faster. “I can do that. You can trust me, Arthur, I promise.”

“I know.” Arthur’s words were simple, but as his eyes met Merlin’s again, they seemed to say something more significant. Then, he sat up tall, seemed to steel himself. “I want you to show me.”

Merlin’s mouth fell open. “What?”

“I want you to show me a spell.” Arthur clarified.

Merlin felt panic twist inside him at the thought. It went against every single instinct he had. He spent so much time trying to conceal his magic, that the thought of not just allowing his magic to present itself but intentionally casting a spell in front of Arthur was an action he couldn’t quite seem to comprehend. He wondered momentarily whether it was a trick, something designed to catch him out, but the look on Arthur’s face seemed sincere.

So, he closed his eyes, and held his arm out so that it rested upon the table, his palm facing up towards the ceiling before he closed it into a loose fist. He decided to do a harmless sort of party trick he had decided as a child to call “Nature’s Lucky Dip”. He simply reached out to the world outside, asked the universe to gift him something pleasant, and waited until something appeared in his hand. Within seconds he felt a gentle fluttering against his palm and fingers. He opened his eyes, and then his fist, from which flew five tiny red butterflies, fluttering gracefully up into the air and hovering around the pair as though trying to figure out how they were suddenly now inhabiting a space with two other beings.

Merlin heard Arthur take a sharp intake of breath, and his eyes snapped back to him. Arthur stared up at the butterflies, his eyes wide, before turning his gaze back to Merlin.

“Trust you to conjure up butterflies of all things.” Arthur’s words were teasing, but his voice sounded breathless. He sounded shocked and, to Merlin’s general surprise and pleasure, not in a particularly negative way. “Camelot colours, too.” he noted, lightly.

Merlin glanced back at the butterflies and saw the golden patterns that swirled across the wings and glinted in the sunlight. He shrugged, feeling almost bashful. “Well, you know me. A model citizen, through and through.”

“Sure,” Arthur snorted.

Merlin felt his head reel. They were actually joking about his magic. He was sure he was going to wake up any moment.

Suddenly, there was a loud pounding on the door causing them to wake up, not from sleep as Merlin had slightly expected, but from the intensely private atmosphere they had managed to create in Arthur’s chambers. They both jumped up out of their seats, sending each other wide eyed looks. Neither of them could have looked more guilty if they tried.

“Hello, yes?” Arthur managed to imbue his voice with authority as he strode over to stand by the door, keeping it shut as he shouted through it.

“The patrol is ready to leave whenever you are, sire” A deep voice sounded from the other side of it, sounding mildly confused.

Arthur sent Merlin a stricken look, as though he had completely forgotten about the search they were about to go on and, now that he had remembered it, he was suddenly realising how Merlin must feel about going on these sort of missions.

“Um-” Arthur said, his voice losing its authoritative tone for a moment before he resumed the role. “Yes, of course. I won’t be a moment.”

“Sire,” the voice replied, before a pair of large footsteps were heard fading into the distance.

Arthur moved over to stand by Merlin, their bodies close. Arthur’s hands hovered near Merlin, as though he wanted to touch him but wasn’t sure how. “I can’t-” Arthur let his hands fall to his sides. “I’m sorry, I can’t not go. It’ll look suspicious, if I go into my chambers for half an hour and come out telling my father to call off the search.” Arthur looked pained, as though that was exactly what he wanted to do.

“No, of course,” Merlin felt shocked. He had expected Arthur to hate him at the very least, even if he hadn’t had him killed. And now here he was, mere moments after finding out Merlin had magic, ready to go and talk to his father about letting a sorcerer go free. Merlin couldn’t wrap his head around it.

“We will talk about this further.” Arthur’s hand finally rose up and rested on Merlin’s shoulder, squeezing it gently. “You don’t have to come.”

Merlin nodded, swallowing. “Thank you.”

“And Merlin?” Arthur raised his eyebrows at him. “We are on the same side.”


End file.
